Self Growth

To The Ones Who Dream To Be Mothers on Mother’s Day

mindbeautysimplicity

Time seems to freeze as I wait patiently for those two pink lines. And as I look & stare at a wish that was promised, I slowly come to & realize it was simply just a dream.

Month after month, I grieve over & over a loss I have no idea what it’s like to even have. Out of all the things I’ve gone through, this has been the one to really test me. I’ve had to accept the fact some things are unfortunately out of our control.

I’ve always wanted to be a mother. And when my husband & I decided to try, I had no idea it isn’t always easy. “If my husband just looks at me, I get pregnant”…”if you just relax, it will happen”…..”have you considered adoption?” When you have comments like these circling your mind, you find yourself feeling like you are that 1%.

And I’d be lying if I didn’t ask the question, “when will it be our turn?”

With Mother’s Day [ in the US] falling in May, I felt like it was a beautiful time to advocate for those who dream about being a mother who haven’t been blessed with one Earth side quite yet, but yearn for it everyday. Now, before I go any further – I’d like to preface everyone’s ttc journey looks different. So, when I say this is going on month seven for us, I’m not looking at this as a comparison game or debate on who has it worse. I’m simply vulnerably sharing my experience so far & hope other’s who read this, feel less alone.

I’m a very glass half full type of gal. Even on my hardest days, I try & take a step back & find that silver lining. I have gradually learned to have faith in the process. The ttc journey feels long, strenuous & exhausting when you are in it. Each month, I feel the hopeful butterflies in my stomach & simultaneously try & hold myself together when it’s another no [ for now]. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t hit me for a loop. I’ve had to scream out “surrender” & wave that white flag in a sense.

It’s a take it day by day & each appointment type of ride. In a strange twist of fate, I am grateful because this process has strengthen me as a woman. It has strengthened my marriage & my definition of love. And it has taught me to appreciate life a lot more. The concept of enjoying the journey is so so true.

And although we have established more of an acceptance to the journey & patience like no other – we still have faith our time is coming.

📌 it for later

To the women who wish to be mothers, please celebrate.

To take more of a positive spin, I declare all women who are manifesting motherhood, to please – celebrate yourselves this Mothers Day. Instead of making this day a day of dread or yearning for something you still don’t have, why not switch the narrative.

Carve Out a Moment To Pray or Write Down Your Hopes & Dreams

If you are religious, take a few minutes with God & pray for your babies. Have faith these hopes will come to fruition in time. You can even spend a few minutes writing these wishes down on paper. Be as vulnerable & detailed as you want. When we release those intrusive thoughts, we can better take on the obstacles life throws at us.

To the partners, send your love a card / letter / have a deep conversation

This process is a team effort. And knowing your partner has your back & understands your struggles can make all the difference. This can be a lonely process, & quite frankly – each person in the partnership should be celebrated. The emotions of both people need to be considered. This can remind us that what truly matters is love.

It’s ok to mourn

There is nothing wrong with sitting out on days that may be triggering to you & your psyche. Whether it’s Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, baby showers or gender reveals – you have the right to say no. One of the things I have had to understand is you may be seeing other people becoming blessed with what you want, before you. And that may sting. Recently, I’ve come up with a mindset to better handle said situations. I say to myself, if they can be blessed with a child, my prayers will be answered as well.

celebrate the women & parents in your life

My mother is my ride or die. She has been there for me through everything & vice versa. Same goes for my dad, but now he’s rooting for me from the clouds. It’s so important to show appreciation to ones who raised you – whether they are biological parents, non-biological, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, colleagues etc. When we have that solid support system, going through moments like starting a family for instance, can make it more tolerable.

let’s start a discussion…

I don’t usually ask this, but if you are comfortable – I’d love it if you shared your stories of motherhood, fatherhood & starting a family. Share some advice, kind words & motivation to me & whoever may need it today. I pray, if you are anything like me that those pink lines show up in real life next time.

-B

Published by mindbeautysimplicity

30 thoughts on “To The Ones Who Dream To Be Mothers on Mother’s Day”

  1. Hey B!,

    I believe along with you that very soon those two pink lines will show up until then keep the faith and like you said enjoy the journey and process. I also can’t wait to become a mummy; by God’s grace, we will be blessed with our little ones. Sending you lots of love💕

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  2. I never got to be a mum, and it’s highly unlikely to ever happen now; I wrestle with this every now and then but it’s something I’ve had to accept over the years. While my situation is unique to my own issues/life, I can understand some of what you feel. I wish you well with everything; thank you for sharing your experiences thus far.

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  4. Hi B, I’m sorry that you are dealing with these frustrations. I’m in a difficult situation where we have to consider adoption but a part of me still wants a child of my own. I cried 2 days ago when I got my period…. I grieved over what we thought we could have, but we can’t have d/t a genetic condition that we discovered a couple years ago.

    I’m lucky to have 2 children but they have medical conditions, and a genetic condition that causes irreversible eye damage and blindness. My husband says no more kids, but I want one more. We fight all the time over this. He doesn’t believe in IVF. Next week my kids are getting anesthesia and laser eye surgery (again for the 100th time). Being a parent has been wonderful yet stressful, never knowing if my children are going to be okay.

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    1. I can totally understand that – still wanting your own. I want to preface when I talk about adoption, I don’t speak of it in ill intent, I just would like my own ( as you wish for) first.
I totally have been in your spot when getting your period when you are hoping other things.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences & reality of having children.
Sending you so much love your way 🫶🏻💕

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      1. I totally get that, and this is coming from someone who rather have her own before opting for IVF or adoption. I often blame myself for my children’s medical problems, even though there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. Also, prior to having my oldest, I had a miscarriage. The miscarriage was my first pregnancy.

        I am sending hope and baby dust your way ✨ Next month could be your month – you never know. It seems to happen when we least expect it 💫

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      2. you shouldn’t blame yourself. one thing I’ve learned in this process, is to never blame yourself or your partner. thank you for sharing this. It’s so interesting to hear other’s experiences.

        & you are so right, you just never know. things do seem to happen when you least expect. 🫶🏻💕

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  8. I read this twice because I took a test this evening and the result came back negative which means if my period doesn’t come this month, I’m back to square one. Tonight I just let Kevin hold me for a little bit.

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    1. oh my gosh, Rachel…💕 my heart goes out to you. That feeling is quite familiar & what you are feeling is valid. sending you all the love & baby dust. You are so blessed with an incredible partner. So,e times the best medicine is support & comfort from your partner. 💕

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  9. This is a very vulnerable & touching post. I’m not yet ready to try but I will in another year or 2, and I have a fear I’ll have a hard time too with my PCOS diagnosis. Best wishes on your motherhood journey, 🙏🏾 praying for you. Thanks for writing this

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  10. My partner and I are freezing our eggs so we have more time to decided about having kids, so that we have the best ones available when we do make our decision. Trying to have a child can be a painful road to go down, so please look after yourself

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  12. This is such a lovely post and you share some important points. I want to be a mum but currently I am starting uni in September so hopefully we will start planning to have a baby in the near future. Thank you for sharing.

    Lauren x

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  13. Sending you love, hugs and sincere prayers B. God’s will and plans. ✝️🙏 This is a hard journey for you and I appreciate you sharing your story in helping others too. Everyone has a different story so be careful not to compare yours to anyone else please. Although I had 3 children, each pregnancy was different (difficult) and after my first I did not think I would be able to have 2 more but God had plans beyond my natural understanding (just to share a little of my story)
    Pastor Natalie 🥰✝️🙏
    Letstakeamoment.com

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    1. Thank you Natalie!
      Yes, I truly believe it’s in God’s hands & we will be blessed with our family in the right timing / moment. Thank you for the prayers & sharing your experience. 🙂

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