Time seems to freeze as I wait patiently for those two pink lines. And as I look & stare at a wish that was promised, I slowly come to & realize it was simply just a dream.
Month after month, I grieve over & over a loss I have no idea what it’s like to even have. Out of all the things I’ve gone through, this has been the one to really test me. I’ve had to accept the fact some things are unfortunately out of our control.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. And when my husband & I decided to try, I had no idea it isn’t always easy. “If my husband just looks at me, I get pregnant”…”if you just relax, it will happen”…..”have you considered adoption?” When you have comments like these circling your mind, you find yourself feeling like you are that 1%.
And I’d be lying if I didn’t ask the question, “when will it be our turn?”
With Mother’s Day [ in the US] falling in May, I felt like it was a beautiful time to advocate for those who dream about being a mother who haven’t been blessed with one Earth side quite yet, but yearn for it everyday. Now, before I go any further – I’d like to preface everyone’s ttc journey looks different. So, when I say this is going on month seven for us, I’m not looking at this as a comparison game or debate on who has it worse. I’m simply vulnerably sharing my experience so far & hope other’s who read this, feel less alone.
I’m a very glass half full type of gal. Even on my hardest days, I try & take a step back & find that silver lining. I have gradually learned to have faith in the process. The ttc journey feels long, strenuous & exhausting when you are in it. Each month, I feel the hopeful butterflies in my stomach & simultaneously try & hold myself together when it’s another no [ for now]. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t hit me for a loop. I’ve had to scream out “surrender” & wave that white flag in a sense.
It’s a take it day by day & each appointment type of ride. In a strange twist of fate, I am grateful because this process has strengthen me as a woman. It has strengthened my marriage & my definition of love. And it has taught me to appreciate life a lot more. The concept of enjoying the journey is so so true.
And although we have established more of an acceptance to the journey & patience like no other – we still have faith our time is coming.
To the women who wish to be mothers, please celebrate.
To take more of a positive spin, I declare all women who are manifesting motherhood, to please – celebrate yourselves this Mothers Day. Instead of making this day a day of dread or yearning for something you still don’t have, why not switch the narrative.
Carve Out a Moment To Pray or Write Down Your Hopes & Dreams
If you are religious, take a few minutes with God & pray for your babies. Have faith these hopes will come to fruition in time. You can even spend a few minutes writing these wishes down on paper. Be as vulnerable & detailed as you want. When we release those intrusive thoughts, we can better take on the obstacles life throws at us.
To the partners, send your love a card / letter / have a deep conversation
This process is a team effort. And knowing your partner has your back & understands your struggles can make all the difference. This can be a lonely process, & quite frankly – each person in the partnership should be celebrated. The emotions of both people need to be considered. This can remind us that what truly matters is love.
It’s ok to mourn
There is nothing wrong with sitting out on days that may be triggering to you & your psyche. Whether it’s Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, baby showers or gender reveals – you have the right to say no. One of the things I have had to understand is you may be seeing other people becoming blessed with what you want, before you. And that may sting. Recently, I’ve come up with a mindset to better handle said situations. I say to myself, if they can be blessed with a child, my prayers will be answered as well.
celebrate the women & parents in your life
My mother is my ride or die. She has been there for me through everything & vice versa. Same goes for my dad, but now he’s rooting for me from the clouds. It’s so important to show appreciation to ones who raised you – whether they are biological parents, non-biological, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, colleagues etc. When we have that solid support system, going through moments like starting a family for instance, can make it more tolerable.
let’s start a discussion…
I don’t usually ask this, but if you are comfortable – I’d love it if you shared your stories of motherhood, fatherhood & starting a family. Share some advice, kind words & motivation to me & whoever may need it today. I pray, if you are anything like me that those pink lines show up in real life next time.